Like a flower, you need to water me......

Dear you,
I told you today that I was no longer in love with you. I lied. It was a hateful and horrible thing to say but in the moment it felt right. I looked beautiful today, gorgeous actually. I even took an hour to curl my hair -A task I meet with great disdain, yet indulged in just because you prefer it. I put on my new red summer dress with perfect match espadrills. You barely noticed. Just six months ago you would have twirled me around and said "Damn you look good." In my head I quietly muttered "You bastard." Yes, I'm craving attention. But just yours. Yours because it feels so right. You once adored me, played with me, couldn't keep your hands off me. Now, I'm like an accessory, something you occasionally try on.

I told you I'm like a flower, a plant. I need to be given water, sunshine... if you neglect me I will wilt. I told you this in the hopes that you would listen, take heed, take proper care and never neglect me. But I've been wilting for months. I don't believe your neglect is intentional. You are just in-fucking-capable. And for that I am sad. Your love is not in question. Nor your loyalty. I don't believe you are watering another flower. My instincts aren't leading me that way. You just don't get it. You think you've "Got" me. It's been nearly three years. You think we are "past" that. Don't get it twisted. You don't "Have" anything. You should always be working. Why would you ever take me for granted when I never you? I work day after day to remind you of how I feel, to remind you of your place in my life, my heart, my lust. I stroke your ego. Do you believe mine strokes itself? Do you believe when I wake up in the morning and feel like shit, and look in the mirror and think I've aged and gained, and there's someone younger and more anorexic chic, that I don't need a reassurance from you that I am still the apple of your fucking eye.

I will never believe that "years in" means "without said." F that. Say it loud, say it often. I shouldn't feel like I get more attention from strangers at the mall than from the man that supposedly loves and adores me. I don't need $300 sunglasses or expensive cars.....hold my hand, caress my arm, slide my hair back and sneak a kiss on my neck after dinner..... don't fucking talk on your cell while we're out in the middle of dinner. Make me feel like when we're on date night we are the only two people in the world that matter to you.

Today I told you I was no longer in love with you. I lied. It was a horrible and hurtful thing to say and I look back on it with deep regret. But with each passing day as we move forward I am trying to hold on to what was and not what is, because what is, is for me a memory. A memory of a time we once had, once filled with a priority above all, that priority being us. Never let it die. Never let it fade. Maybe this is where we diverge. Your air and my fire. Your logic and my passion. Your want for Honesty, Loyalty, Trust and mine for Madly, Truly, Deeply.